Sunday, 30 June 2013

Hilarious Cartoon for the Cartoonist Club Of Britain caption contest.

Hello everyone. I'm back with this very funny cartoon I have entered in the caption contest for the cartoonist club of great briatin. I have only entered this contest once before, but I didn't get a single vote. That is typical tactics of THE CARTOON ELITE, a bit like the BUNDERSBURG group in my opinion, but that's just my opinion. I can't prove anything of course.

I thought, what the hell. I have a really funy idea (that would also look good on a T shirt or mug for just $17.99 + P&P of $7.99) that I just HAD to enter the contest.

It may not be as "good" as the other cartoons that people might like to draw, but the big difference is that MY cartoon is unique, unlike all the generic "funny" "amusing" or "well drawn" cartoons out there, which quite frankly I find boring. Because I find them boring, there must be others that also find them boring, and are looking for something that is unique.

Well must go. I've got a busty afternoon ahead of me. I'm knitting some 8 fingered gloves as a unique gift for my teenage neice (I burned the knitting pattern by accident).

Saturday, 10 November 2012

A very funny shop based cartoon.

Here's one of my latest cartoon gags that I have drawn. I think it's very funny, because the woman might not need a bag for her giant jar of honey, or she might not, or the shop assistant might be referring to her as some sort of bag. I think it's just marvelous, and so did Burt when I showed it to him. He thought I should enter in into the CCGB caption contest this week, but I'm not so sure. I think it would be unfair to amature cartoonists to post such a professional piece of work.

Talking of Burt, he's part of the reason I have sadly neglected this very website and have not updated. He's had health problems, but now the catheter is fitting he's doing much better. As long as the rash stays at bay, he should make an full 93% recovery, although he won't be able to drive his moped any more. I can't say much more, to protect Burt's privacy.

Back to the cartoon. I appriciate that many aspiring cartoonists would like to know how to become aspiring cartoonists like me, a professional.

Looking at the elements in the cartoon. I created a 3D effect (don't worry, you don't need glasses to see this, unless you need glasses to see other things) by creating a unique perspective, using a floorboard effect on the floor of the shop. I also hand shaded the cariatures in the cartoon, I did this by hand, and not by machine - as that would be cheating, and it also creates an unique style. One quick glance is all that's needed to see that it's one of my unique cartoons, although I have been spending some time on developing my "street" signature for when I next get something published.

In other news: I have been linked to which is an urban breakaway cartoonist collective crew, I believe. That's nice. I hope I'll be able to contribute something to their wonderful* online magazine soon (Burt has another appointment this week, and I'd said I'd take him in the we'll see)

Thursday, 4 October 2012

National Office of Importance: “Summer is here,” 1975

National Office of Importance: “Summer is here,” 1975: The three-season year had been in place in Britain since its formalisation by Wodecnute in the 9th Century, so when Prime Minister Harold Wi...

Friday, 21 September 2012

I believe in Dinosaurs.

Some people think that Dinosaurs died out many years ago and no longer exist. In fact, some people even think that Dinosaurs are extinct.

They are entitled to hold that view, but they are not entitled to share that view (although they do - to anyone who'll listen to them and read their books). Hold or share? Well, I'm here today to share the truth. The truth of what's really happening, and why the establishment want YOU to believe that the Dinosaurs are all dead.

I have to state that I have not seen a live Dinosaur in the wild or on a day trip to the countryside. BUT that is not evidence of something not existing. I have never seen Lionel Blair tap dancing and mincing around a seaside resort, but that doesn't mean he's not real, or existing, or not dead (and all like him)

The establishment want you to believe that Dinosaurs are all dead because they don't want you the great unwashed to panic if you see one. It wouldn't suit their agenda to destroy the values that those of us who believe in Dinosaurs, and low taxation we would like to preserve.

Here's some evidence of recent sightings of Dinosaurs:

1976 Arizona a police patrolman saw something that was quite dark and blurry in his headlights one night. He thinks it might have been a Pterosaurs and not an owl. There's no owls in that part of the desert.

2001 A Chinese man claims to have filed incorrect tax returns, blaming one of his many captive bred Stegosaurus he was farming for a Taiwanese gang of pirates for eating his paperwork. Afterwards he was compelled by the pirates to CHEW all the Stegosaurus up in a giant industrial mincer, to hide their illegal activities and then burn the resulting Dinosaur sludge. No one messes with Taiwanese pirates!

Finally, no Dinosaurs are still with us article is complete without an animated gif.


Thursday, 20 September 2012

I'm sorry, I'm not supporting that!

I was asked the other day if I would support a charity collection of a few pounds (which I did have, having just been into the co-op for some value tea bags and a scratch card or two), however I was verily offended that I was being asked to support a medical charity for people with memory problems and incontinence.

It's not that I don't think that people with memory problems and incontinence shouldn't be supported, I however think that there's far more important things that should be supported firstly, and that this charity collector should perhaps be collecting money for poorly babies. WHEN there's no more poorly babies around, THEN maybe they could consider asking the general public, and the lower ranking public as well, for money for people with memory problems and incontinence.

Really, the cheek of some people!
What are you're thoughts on charity collectors collecting for the wrong sort of charity, as always, let me know your thoughts in the comment section below. Ones written in bold will get read by me first.

Friday, 3 August 2012

My Mate Dave is Insane.

Sometimes I'm asked by people I know if I will draw them a cartoon. Usually they expect me to do this for no financial compensation whatsoever. However if I ask Mike to look at my car, and perhaps do an oil change, he will still expect to get paid.

My mate Dave is insane. He's a really funny guy. I've told him before that he should do stand-up again. Sure, it didn't go down all that well at the school open day, but they weren't really the right audience for his style of edgy material. He's really funny, and as long as you've had a few drinks yourself, really not that offensive at all. I drew this cartoon for him (for free) as it reminded me of an incident in the mid 90's that I've promised never to repeat. I'm sure once he comes over to pick it up (he's got issues at the moment with his elderly mother/the inland revenue) he'll be hanging in his upstairs toilet (his mother cannot access this toilet due to her recent mobility issues.

*someone at the pub did say this looks remarkably unlike Dave, but I would like to point out this is my artistic interpretation of his features (and he's got a face that's really hard to draw). 

Thursday, 7 June 2012

Dream cartoons.

Sometimes it's hard to come up with a good idea for a cartoon. As easy as it maybe to draw excellent cartoons (as I do), coming up with unique original ideas can be difficult at times. Even I feel that sometimes.

One solution I have found is to just listen to your dreams. Last night for instance, I had a dream that some people were being chased by a run-a-way bus (it was a red double decker!). I thought this would make a very interesting cartoon, especially for anyone who has ever been chased by a run-a-way bus. For others, it may seem amusing to some degree. It's one of those special cartoons that everyone can take something away from, from reliving abject horror of a near death experience, to maniacal laughter at watching people running for their lives.

If you would like this cartoon, or another one like it (I can draw taxis as well) for your newsletter or school presentation then please get in touch.
During the month of June I have some very special offers on reproduction fees:

Buy one cartoon, get another cartoon FREE. Cartoons start from just £20. This includes FREE emailing of the cartoon to the address of your choosing - WORLD WIDE service.

* Cartoons in Photoshop format will incur an additional fee of £3.49+vat.